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March 28th, 2011 (02:19 pm)

current location: My Bed
current mood: depressed
current song: Take My Picture - Dot Dot Curve

 The first I was in a hospital bed. I was strapped down to the bed. I couldn't move. Nobody was there. I was completely alone. The nurses and doctors had no faces, they spoken in a different language. I cried when they stuck me with the needles. I couldn't reach the water, or the phone. Nobody came to see me, nobody came to tell me what happened, I was alone.

The second was more vivid. It was more of a story though. My mom came home alone at work, I was in the bath tube, bleeding to death. She sent me to a mental hospital. When I was talking to a shrink, I told him what was going on, the scary thing was... what I told him is what I would say right now. It wasn't made up issues. It was truth. Truth of right now! Just like the first, nobody came to see me, nobody called to check in on me. Nobody wrote me. Nobody cared. I told the shrink how I felt about this. The next time I saw the shrink my mom was there. She tried to hug me when I walked in, but I went around her. I looked her in the eyes & asked her if the mental hospital paid her to come. She looked at the floor. I crawled into a ball on the floor and uncontrollably cried. She left. They put me back in my "room". White walls, two single beds, no pictures, no windows. My very own hell.

This might not seem scary to you... but it is for me. Because its true, if something happened N I had to go to the hospital nobody would come see me. My dad wouldn't take the time off work. My mom wouldn't waste her time. Same with the mental hospital, nobody would come see me. Nobody cares about me. Nobody would notice if I died right now.

These nightmares... There truth.


Posted by: Sweetfhawn (sweetfhawn)
Posted at: March 29th, 2011 12:50 am (UTC)

Girl, I might not talk to you everyday. We may not see each other for months, but none of this is the truth. I would come see you every week and wouldn't let them keep you n either of those places. You don't belong there! Your not mental or insane. Your dealing with life. Sadly, most of it is sad. Just because your sad, don't think of death as a way out. Killing yourself over depression, isn't going to solve anything. It just means you will have eternity to think about these problems, but unlike being alive and thinking about them, there really will be no one, you wont be able to change, nothing will ever get better. I know you think it couldn't possibly get better, but girl, I know it will. You just have to start making the right decisions for you, not for everyone else, and worrying what others say. You might think your making the right decisions but girl, I have known you long enough to know you listen to your heart, and that's great, but you also need to listen to that brain of yours. Your really smart when you want to be, and don't tell me your not! I had so many classes with you, I know you. You need to step back when thinking about dating someone, ask yourself.. "Do they have a lot of drama in there life" "Are they looking towards the future" "Are they living in something past or cant grow or act there age" I know its hard to ignore your heart a little. But also step back and ask yourself questions about your friends and family. "Am I going to let 'Blank' rule my life" "Should I listen to this person" "Can I really put my trust in someone" "Should I do this, how will it effect me later" I know its hard girl. I know your thinking no one could feel what your feeling right now, but just by you hurting, It makes me hurt. I have been in a position where no one cared, No one wanted me, Everyone just put up with me at school. I had no real friends till I met you. Shelby is a good friend, but she never was able to help me with problems like you could. Your amazing, and need to start believing that, because when you do, is when everyone else will start to see it too. Don't let your mom and dad rule over your life, or try to tell you whats best for you. Both have had problems growing up and doing the right thing. Listen to a smart person, Like yourself. In the end, you truly know what you need and what you want, even if your heart is telling you want something so bad, step back and say do i want this so bad because it is familiar and its what I know and am use to, or do I really deserve something better than what I have. And Here's a Hint: You do!

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