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lovethehaters [userpic]

Im tired..

March 26th, 2011 (06:17 pm)
current location: My Bed
current mood: alone

 Im tired of being a disappointment. Im tired of fighting with everyone. Im tired of not being good enough for anyone or anything. Im tired of feeling nothing. Im tired feeling alone. Im tired of doing everything wrong. Im tired of having happy dreams n than waking up to this so called life. Im tired of crying. Im tired of wishing. Im tired of everyone telling me to give up on you. Im tired of being the only one who believes it could be ok again. Im tired of getting hurt. Im tired of letting myself get hurt. Im tired of caring. Im tired of being alive. I wanna give up on my life. I really do. Your the only one keeping me here... N i dont think you even want me around at this point... I wanna die n nobody cares. Im tired of reaching out to people who dont understand how serious I am. I WANT TO DIE!! Is that big enough for everyone to see? I dont know how much more i can take. N its not your fault. Its a number of things. A number of people. I dont know what else to do. I dont know what else i can say. I love you n you keep pushing me away. Whats gunna happen when you push me away to far... out of reach... what than? Im almost there.... N im scared!! I wanna be there for you. I wanna help. But you cant keep pushing me away... Cuz i might not come back. N this isnt a threat. or a promise. its a warning.. I dont want it to happen. My head is spinning. Its one big black hole. I dont even know what to think anymore. Im so confussed. So hurt. That nothing makes sense anymore. I have one text in my phone that gives me hope. N i keep reading it over n over. But its old.. From August.. How am i suppose to rely on something you said in August.. things might have changed. You might not believe that anymore. Somebody asked me to forward you the message n ask if its still true. I told them I cant because I wanna keep believeing its true. I wanna stay in my fantasy world, the one where i go back to the future n live out the happyiest days of my life again. Where i was happy. Where everything was ok. For the most part.. I dont wanna face reality becuase I cant. I cant do it. N im sorry. n if you want this to be it than just say it n ill go away. N it wont be your fault. It will be our fault. Just kno that I will always love you